Inventor's Block
by Solo Loco Ellingson-Rose
Summary: Subtitle: In Which Mayuri Muses. Everyone's favorite crazed scientist get's the inventor's block, and finds himself musing on various things. It's kind of a crackfic, no pairings. T for mild swearing and Chapter 3.
1. Son In Laws

Author's Notes:

This is my first Bleach fanfic, so I hope its okay. I've been on a Mayuri and Nemu kick recently (Not romantically, ew.), and this idea came to me. Hopefully, this will become a multi-chapter fic, but I can't promise anything.

And yes, I know that Mayuri's more of a scientist that an inventor, but _Scientist's Block_ just sounded stupid.

Also, be forewarned, I don't think there's any dialogue in this fic. It's all about the man thinking for goodness sake, and Mayuri doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would think out loud.

Disclaimer: I _**do not**_ own Bleach or any of its characters. No, they belong to Kubo Tite. If I DID own them, then Ichigo would actually take part in some recovery time after all of his death-defying fights, Shunsui and Nanao would have officially gotten together by now, and Ikkaku would have more of a back story.

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Chapter 1: On the Topic of Son-in-Laws

Mayuri sighed. The sheer absurdity of the situation was insane, even for his standards. Kurotsuchi Mayuri, the genius inventor, hater of perfection, brilliant scientist, and captain of the Gotei 13's 12th division had a block. Not a block of some special substance he had recently created, or a block of solidified acid, or poison, or anything cool like that; not even a block of wood.

No, Mayuri had inventor's block.

Inventor's block is something reminiscent to writer's block, but as the name clearly indicates, for inventors. In short, Mayuri couldn't think of anything to create or experiment on. He couldn't even come up with anyone else's work to criticize. And on top of it all, Nemu wasn't around for him to abuse.

Against popular belief, Mayuri did actually let his daughter have free time. No actual vacations, no, or course not, but she did have free time. He had designed her to work efficiently, so she always finished what she had to do quickly. And regardless the level of abuse he put her through; he didn't give her pointless busy work. If she finished what he wanted her to do before the end of the day, she was free to do whatever she wanted, as long as she was out of his way. He had also designed her to be responsible and calculating, so he didn't have to worry about her embarrassing him or anything like that.

As it were, Nemu was at one of her Shinigami Women's Association meetings, so she wouldn't be back for him to abuse for another hour at least.

Despite Mayuri's apparent inability to carry out anything scientific, that did not however mean that he was beyond thinking in general. This was something Mayuri rarely took part in, as he more often than not focused all of his time on his beloved science. But that wasn't much of an option, so think he did.

After about five minutes of reflecting on things such as his fashion sense, the color green, and even the prevailing weather, Mayuri had gotten back to the topic of his manufactured daughter. No matter how many times he degraded her, he had to admit that (Only to himself, never out loud, no sir.) she did do what was requested of her rather well.

Now, Mayuri did not often think about his daughter. If fact, it was extremely rare, and when he did, he usually thought about all of the problems with her that he really needed to get around to fixing. However, he was in an off mood at the time of this little bout contemplation, so after a little while of musing over Nemu, his mind got onto the topic of her love life.

In all honesty, he didn't think she really had one. But what would happen if she did? Because even if he did think highly of himself, Mayuri knew that if for some god-awful reason some really strong person fell in love with Nemu (Images of a certain spike-haired captain and Nemu holding hands and kissing kept invading Mayuri's head and making him gag.) then he probably wouldn't be able to continue abusing her the way he did. What a shame that would be. He actually found mistreating her to be fun in it's own sick, twisted way, but there was no way he would willingly risk his neck for something like that. Mayuri also didn't like the thought of having Kenpachi Zaraki as a son-in-law. The only phrase he could put to that situation was, "That would suck."

These thoughts led him to consider other men Nemu knew as potential son-in-laws. That other idiot in the 11th Division with the bald head made his stomach turn a the very thought, and though he didn't care much for her well being, not even Mayuri would wish having a gay ass, feminine freak for a husband on Nemu.

Kuchiki wasn't _bad_ per say, but he was a snob, simply put. Mayuri would shoot himself, not Nemu, _himself_ if he suddenly found himself to have any relation to the hippy jack-ass with the pink robe from the 8th. Or to rethink that, he might actually shoot Nemu, because that would terminate the relationship wouldn't it? He needed to look into that.

Mayuri knew exactly what he would do if Nemu somehow wound up getting together with that damn Quincy. He'd kill the Quincy with Konjiki Ashisogi Jizō, then take apart Nemu, and remake her, conveniently leaving out all sense of emotion from her brain. Doing such a think could perhaps have negative connotations, emotion can sometimes be a pretty useful thing, but should that situation come to pass… Again Mayuri had only one way to describe the situation, "To hell with emotion, if Nemu ever shacked up with Quincy-boy, then there'd be nothing else for it." Mayuri wasn't really sure why, but Nemu and Ishida as a couple seriously pissed him off. He didn't really have anything against the Quincy, status as an idiot aside. But then again, while he didn't know why, he didn't really care why either, so… next subject.

The miniature 10th captain… no, Mayuri found that that would just be weird looking. Not that he had anything against weird, but the kid was just way too short.

What other men were there that Mayuri knew of/had taken even the smallest mental note of? There was always Yamamoto, but that thought truly did make Mayuri have to get up from his seat and go his house's nearest bathroom to make sure that he didn't puke all over his favorite chair. There was also the dog; Mayuri actually thought that pair up might be interesting. He could get all sorts of weird grandkids if that situation came to pass. And while he almost blanched at the thought of grandkids, when he considered all of the experiments he could complete on the hybrids, he almost smiled to himself instead.

Following this pattern, Mayuri unknowingly passed the time by easier than he ever had before. By the time Nemu returned from her meeting, Mayuri had run out of men, and was just about to start considering possible daughter-in-laws should Nemu be lesbian. (He was sure she wasn't, but every good scientist always weighs all of the possibilities.) All Nemu saw however, was that her father was in deep thought in his favorite chair. So she quietly made her way to the kitchen, made a cup of tea, putting an extra on the counter for her father, and went to look into any new paperwork that might be waiting for her.

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Author's Notes:

I appear to be better at writing Bleach fanfiction than I am at writing One Piece fanfiction. I believe that I've written about 15 One Piece fics, yet none of them have turned at as good as this one. I know it was totally pointless, but hell, I actually LIKE this little fic. Weird XD. Please be nice and review! I'll love you forever if you do~!


	2. Baby Bankais & the Idea of Marriage

Author's Notes: Oh Em Gee! I actually wrote a second chapter! Who am I and what have I done with Solo Loco Ellingson-Rose?

Anyways, here's the second installment of Kurotsuchi Maryuri musing over his and other peoples lives. 'Cause we all know (Konjiki) Ashigo Jizō IS actually a living breathing creature. Or is he, because he WAS created from an already dead man… This chapter… really isn't that good. Please read it anyway though!

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On The Topics of Baby Bankais and Idea of Marriage

Once again, it was another slow day. No, not just slow, boring; boring as hell even. And regardless of all the propaganda about the horrors of hell, Mayuri thought the place sounded rather... mind-numbing. Seriously, the most common vibe he got from hell was that it was fire, fire, fire, torture, fire, pain, fire, fire, etc. How dull was that?

Again, Mayuri had no drive to create; and again, Nemu was at a meeting, so again, he was at his wit's end for things to do. At this point, Mayuri had had his fill of considering what Nemu did with other people in her free time. He had exhausted the topic to the absolute fullest the last time he had inventor's block. For a split second, Mayuri started to think about his daughter again, but then it hit him. He had never _truly_ considered it before, but he didn't only have one child. Even if it was his sword, (Konjiki) Ashigo Jizō was technically his child as well. Sure it was… oddly shaped, and sometimes very large, but it WAS his creation, and as loath as he was to admit such a thing, it deserved to be called his child as much as Nemu did. Even if did have extreme gender anonymity.

Now that he was thinking about it, he really didn't make that many living creations. Mostly they were just enhancements for himself and other people, such as things dealing with reiatsu. For consistency, Mayuri decided that whenever he created something living from now on, that had a will of its own, regardless of whether he liked it or not, it was his child. But then… that would make the 11th Division's beast of a captain's eye patch his child too. But if that were true thenhis kid would be nigh constantly worn on someone's – not just anyone, _Zaraki's ­_– face, and that didn't sit too well with Mayuri, so he decided to change the criteria. If it was living, had a will of its own, and had a clearly legible face, _then_ it counted as his child. There, problem solved.

There really wasn't very much to the creature-sword that was (Konjiki) Ashigo Jizō. They had always worked well together; Mayuri gave orders, and (Konjiki) Ashigo Jizō listened. Except that one time that the big brat had attacked him. Mayuri didn't care if the giant baby-caterpillar was being externally controlled, it was still his fault. Or at least it was possible to twist into his fault, so Mayuri was happy with his conclusion.

Scoffing, the scientist inspected his blue fingernails. _"That's what self destruct functions are for I suppose..."_

Probably the best thing part about creating his "children" was that they were put into an environment in which they were predisposed to get along. On the off-chance that it were even possible for Nemu and (Konjiki) Ashigo Jizō to get in a fight, Mayuri figured the latter would probably win. Though, Nemu would probably put up a good fight; what with all the medicines, poisons, and the like he had stuffed into her.

The two of them were also predisposed to do _absolutely everything he said_ so he would never have to worry about rebellious kids. Or any form of teenaged angst for that matter. It was on this note that Mayuri decided that all parents should design their children, not just create them through how do you say… "conventional" means.

To be honest, Mayuri didn't really mind being a "parent." He had a bit of bias in that respect of course, as he had chosen to build his "children" as one would build a circuit board. He had put much thought into how to make his "kids" _exactly_ the way he wanted them. So it makes sense that he wouldn't mind, as he was mainly just trying to improve his own life.

This train of thought continued for a little while longer, until after chasing its tail in circles again and again, Mayuri began ponder what it would have been like should he have made in children in the _natural_ way.

The main issue was the fact that he would need a mate. There was no one in Soul Society who met his standards – the closest being Unohana, but she to was too damn soft-spoken and polite. He could always go into Rukongai, pick up some unsuspecting female and… but that would be rape. While Mayuri had very few morals regarding the treatment of others, he did not believe in rape – at least if there were any other way to go about getting what was trying for.

He could also be a pansy about it, and put out fliers in Rukongai for the benefit of those who could read, but what would one put on something like that? "Calling all women willing to make an attempt at procreation with Kurotsuchi Mayuri to such and such a place, at such and such a time?" No… too lacking in tact.

There was one thing of which Mayuri was certain. Marriage was _not_ for him. Regardless of whether or not there was ever anyone who managed to catch his fancy, it just wasn't for him. Besides, every time he'd been interested in something, he always managed to exhaust the topic. Just like experimenting on Quincy, or considering Nemu's probably non-existent love-life. Things always followed the same pattern for him, of interest, immersion, boredom. Sometimes obsession was thrown into the mix as well, but it always ended the same way at any rate.

For the sake of information gathering, perhaps he should ask Nemu what she thought of having a mother. He had programmed a little emotion into her - as opposed to (Konjiki) Ash­ig­o Jizō's total lack of personality – after all, and her reaction could be interesting.

He would have to find out later though, because Nemu was still at a meeting, and Mayuri still had inventor's block.

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Author's Notes: WHOO! Two chapters! –happy dance- I think this one may be a bit shorter than the last one, and it makes me sad.

I have a problem though. I am at a total loss regarding the topic for the next chapter. So I'm asking for suggestions! Please review anyway (Pretty please?), but perhaps having a stake in the next chapter will give you an incentive? Maybe? I will make sure to give credit in the next chapter to the person who gives me the idea. Please review!


	3. Sentimentality

Unbelievable. I have written not only two, but THREE chapters of one fanfiction. Can you say "body snatcher"?

I'm writing this going on the assumption that the black and white face is painted on. I know we've only seen his normal face once, and didn't really see the process of it getting there, but hey, artistic license. Oh well if I'm wrong.

Thank you Redblade for the idea behind this chapter. :D Hi-ho introspection!

Also, thank you to Idea for reminding me that I was even writing this fanfiction.

WARNING: This one takes a darker turn than the others have thus far.

Disclaimer: I _**do not**_ own Bleach, or anything/one from it. Kubo Tite does.

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Chapter 3: On the Topic of Sentimentality

Huff.

Shuffle.

_Sigh_.

Mayuri hated sleeping; always has, and always will. He liked doing what he wanted, when he wanted, and how he wanted. Sleep was one of those few things that successfully eluded him when he wanted it, and captured him when he wanted to avoid it.

No matter how strong his will power, if he'd been working for hours on end, regardless of any amount of drugging, he would find himself waking up two hours later than he remembered it being, with his face plastered to the desk. In short sleep pissed him off; he very much liked having control of everything around him, and the involuntary nature of sleep interrupted that.

For the moment – really for the past few hours – Mayuri had been unable to find respite from the waking world. Nothing was physically out of the ordinary, he had removed his make-up, perfectly cleaned and groomed himself, was wearing comfortable sleeping garb, Nemu was in for the night, and all of his experiments were tucked up neatly which no chance for mishaps. So why couldn't he sleep? He didn't understand, and this failing only served to fuel his irritation.

Heaving himself out of bed, Mayuri wandered over to his washroom, and splashed his face with cold water. Looking into the mirror he found tired golden eyes, framed by dark circles and blue hair. His olive skin was its usual sickly color, and his still painted nails stood out against his normal looking face.

The scientist squinted for a moment and leaning forward, pulling slightly at the skin of his face. Without meaning to he spoke his thoughts aloud: "I look old."

Mayuri blanched at stupidity of his train of thought. He was a shinigami, aging held a whole different meaning for him.

But still… Old. Mayuri'd never really considered it before. Even all the way back when – He refused to even think that name – released him from the Maggot's Nest he wasn't exactly young. It got him thinking.

Now, even more than worthless people, being told what to do, criticism, and being one-upped, Mayuri despised sentimentalists. But hey, since it was already one of those nights the psychopath couldn't stand, adding a little insult to the injury wouldn't really make it hurt that much more.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri… That name didn't always translate to mad scientist. Mayuri could just barely remember a time when he was just a kid in the Rukon.

Unlike most, he had had a family; or at least part of one. It had been him and his mother, Kurotsuchi Nekomu her name was. Mayuri would never tell Nemu that she'd been named after his mother. It had been one of his few moments of sentimentality, fashioning his daughter after the bits and pieces he remembered of the woman who had reared him.

They had lived together in a small home in the 27th District. As far as Rukon dwellings went, the Kurotsuchi household wasn't half-bad; it had a floor without holes and a roof that didn't leak. The walls were solid, all things considered, and as Mayuri recalled, they had managed to keep up a front door for the better part of two years. So really, in Rukon terms, Mayuri had grown up a rather privileged child.

Speaking of being a child, Mayuri had always been an inquisitive and quiet one – it really _is_ no wonder he grew up to be a scientist. During the time he had lived in the 27th; no leaf in the district went un-inspected; no rock went unturned. This trait probably came from his unsociable, secretive tendencies. There were plenty of other children in the district, but not only did they not catch his interest the same way scientific things did, but most of them didn't like him because he had such a "nice" house. Therefore, since Mayuri had no friends as a child, his hobby became an obsession became his future career.

Again, if his memory served him correctly, it had also been Mayuri's secretive nature and curiosity that one day led him to be, unbeknownst to his mother, wandering about in the nearby forest, experimenting with the reiatsu he had found within himself, and pondering the inexplicable hunger that had come with it. The day had begun to wear, and he decided to go home. When he got there, he found what was once his home to be smashed to bits, and lightly smoldering, the lifeless body of his mother perfectly place just off center of the image.

Looking back with what Mayuri couldn't deny as being sadness; he realized that his first thought at the spectacle was that it there was almost a beauty to the wreckage. It was like a flower arrangement, the ruins the vase and unimportant plants that drew the eye to the glorious rose in the center, played by the part of his mother's broken body. Even as a child, he knew he was rather twisted.

In his present state of self-reflection, Mayuri felt the same wave of nausea that flew over him when he had drawn closer to the scene so many years ago. It had been the only time in his life that he had ever been incapable of prolonged inspection of something. He didn't know why this had happened, and he didn't understand why anyone would want to do something terrible like this to his mother. She was quieter than he was, and showed less emotion than anyone he'd ever seen but still remained kind to the people around her. Yet, here she was, her clothing torn, her chest caked with her own blood, and a look of terror and pain frozen onto her face.

If Mayuri were ever to refer to this moment, he would call it the exact point in time when he lost any love he ever had for anyone. This moment that proved to him the inherent evil of the world made him the man he would become, that sent him to the Maggot's Nest; it allowed him to care only of scientific advancement and to completely disregard the feelings of others.

It was sentimental flashes like this that reminded Mayuri of why he was the way he was. And frankly, the fact that until he reached Seireitei, his life had only gone down after he left the 27th didn't bother him that much. Bad things had happened, yes, but Mayuri had long since reached the point of being so jaded that they didn't bother him much further than occasional sigh or fleeting feeling of sadness.

By the end of his long pause for introspection, Mayuri had found his way back to his bedroom. It had been late when he had gotten up, and he didn't even want to now what time it was _now_. Though… now that he had considered these long cast aside thoughts, Mayuri had the distinct feeling that he would be able to fall asleep with ease.

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Author's Notes:

This chapter came out surprisingly long, knowing my record.

About how dark and gloomy it became about the middle, remember the setting. It's in the middle of the night; Mayuri's tired and annoyed… And he just looked in the mirror at noticed that he's getting on in years. In my opinion, dark thoughts are to be expected. And frankly, if you didn't catch it, the damage I was going for done to his mother was rape, followed by murder and arson. I didn't want to outright say it, because... I don't know why. Maybe it was something about him being a kid at that point. -shrug-

PLEASE read and review! As I've said before, I'll love you forever if you do. Also, please try to excuse grammatical errors. I tried to catch all of them, but since I wrote this in one shot (also somewhat surprising for me), I no doubt missed quite a few.


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